Uncertain Future Page 17

  “A while. I had some thinking to do.”

  He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, caressing the bare skin of her arm. So soft. So smooth. “You’re cold,” he said. “It’s cooler tonight than it’s been. And not muggy. Must be the breeze.” She leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed. “What is it? You seem kind of down or something.”

  She shook her head but didn’t address his question. “I’ve finished with the murder site. It’s yielded everything it’s going to. Everything I could find, anyway. I’m sorry I couldn’t come up with more.”

  His hand stopped its caressing motion. Murder seemed to have no place here, yet it was his reason for returning. And why he’d met Tessa. “You found the only piece of evidence that indicates Jed didn’t do it. You won’t hear me complain.”

  “Still, I wish I’d come across something to clear him.”

  “You might have. Maybe the glasses case will tell us something.” If he could discover where it had come from . . . but his investigations into its origins hadn’t been successful yet.

  “I hope so.”

  “Yeah, me, too.” They fell silent a moment. “I guess this means you’ll start working on the Caddo burial mound again. On your thesis.”

  “Yes. Tomorrow I’ll be back with my crew.”

  “Is something else going on?” He let go of her and put a hand under her chin, studying her. The moonlight was bright enough for him to see her troubled expression. “You look upset.” His thumb brushed over her mouth. She looked solemn, thoughtful. Like she had something serious on her mind.

  Drawing back from him, she shook her head. “Not upset, but I had a job offer today.” Her gaze met his. “For a full professorship at Caddo Lake College.”

  He didn’t speak for a moment. To him, it sounded like something that suited her right down to the ground. Her love for teaching had been clear from the first time he’d talked to her. Judging by her expression, though, she didn’t feel that way. “Are you going to take it?”

  “I—they gave me two weeks to decide.” She rose and paced the dock, the worn planks creaking as she passed over them. “I should have told them right away, but I was surprised by the offer and I didn’t.”

  “Told them what?” he asked, but he had a sinking feeling he knew.

  She halted a few steps away. “About the China expedition. I should have turned down the job when they offered it, instead of letting them think I might take it.”

  He moved to stand beside her. This wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “You’re not even going to consider the job offer?”

  “How can I? I decided a long time ago I would do field archaeology. Everyone thinks—everyone feels it’s what I’m best suited for. If I stay here, I can’t do that.”

  “What about the Caddo ruins? Isn’t that field archaeology?”

  “Yes, but it’s not . . .” Her voice trailed off. She turned to look out at the water.

  He put a hand on her shoulder, keeping it there until she finally faced him. “It’s not important enough, is that it? Not some big deal like the China thing.”

  Raising her chin, she met his gaze. “It’s important. But it’s not a—a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I wish it were, but it isn’t.”

  An owl hooted while they stared at each other. Water lapped at the pier, the wind rustled the leaves as the silence between them lengthened. Taking her hands in his, he squeezed them gently. “Tessa, tell me something. Do you really want to go to China?”

  “It’s what’s best for my career.”

  “I didn’t ask that. I asked if it’s what you want.” She didn’t answer and he continued. “I don’t think it is.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “For one thing, look at your house.” He gestured in that direction. “It’s not just a temporary rental to you. It’s a home. You planted flowers. Painted the kitchen. I bet you even made the curtains.” Her quick flush made him sure he was right.

  She pulled her hands away and crossed her arms. “I like to plant flowers. It’s therapy for me. I see nothing so unusual about that.”

  “At a rental?” He felt a surge of irritation at her denial. “Come on, Tessa.”

  She hunched a shoulder, not giving in.

  “Okay, fine, maybe some people like flowers so much they’ll plant them at a house they’re renting. But what about Goofy and Pepe? They spell permanence. What do you plan to do with them when you go off to China?”

  Her shocked gaze met his. “I hadn’t thought about the animals.” She looked across toward the house, then back to him. “I can’t take them with me.”

  “No, you can’t. And I think you knew that when you adopted them. They’re your way of saying you want to stay put. You want to put down roots.” If ever he’d seen a woman who was crying out for a home, it was Tessa. Why couldn’t she see that as easily as he did? Why was she so determined to leave? For China, for God’s sake.

  Her expression settled into a worried frown. “I’ll have to find homes for them.”

  “Unless you stay.” The words emerged before he even thought, but he couldn’t regret them. It was the perfect solution. He could work from Uncertain. He wouldn’t even have to transfer Ranger companies, since his own company covered Northeast Texas as well North Central Texas. He’d just change his base of operations. He stepped to her, held her face in his hands. “Stay. With me.”

  Her eyes searched his. “What are you saying?” Her voice dipped, low and husky.

  “I love you, Tessa. Marry me.” He covered her mouth with his, sliding his tongue inside in slow, deep strokes, hoping to convince her with his actions, since she wouldn’t listen to his words. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her nearer, content when her body relaxed against his as she responded to his kiss.

  Suddenly she pulled out of his arms. “Don’t, Will. I can’t think when you do that.”

  Frustrated, he jammed a hand through his hair. “Am I moving too fast? Is that the problem?” She shook her head. “I wouldn’t have said anything if you weren’t talking about running off to Timbuktu like it was a done deal.”

  “China.”

  “Whatever. It’s still halfway around the world.” How to convince her to give them a chance? A chance, that’s all he wanted. “I know it’s too soon for you. I realize just because I’m in love with you doesn’t mean you feel the same. But I know you care about me, or you wouldn’t be with me. If you leave, we won’t have the chance to find out what it is you feel. To find out if there can be more for us.”

  “Oh, Will. I do love you. That isn’t the problem.” She said it so quietly he almost missed it.

  “You love me?”

  Her blue eyes sparkling with moisture, she nodded. In two strides he reached her and pulled her into his arms. Ignoring her half-uttered protests, he claimed her mouth. After a long, heartfelt kiss, he drew back and looked down at her. “If you love me, then what’s the problem?”

  “The problem is my career. I can’t just abandon all my dreams, my hard work. Even . . . even for you.”

  Stunned at her words, he released her. “Damn, Tessa, I would never ask you to do that. But anyone can see that you’re happy here. That you love teaching.” She protested, but determined to make her listen, he continued. “When you talk about China, or Peru, you get all uptight. I can see the worry lines forming. But when you talk about teaching, you shine. When you talk about making a difference to a student, your whole face lights up. Just the other day you went on and on about the student who’d decided to switch majors. Because of you. You said you felt that you’d made a difference.”

  She winced, then lifted her chin. “Teaching isn’t my career,” she insisted. “I can’t waste these opportunities.”

  Opportunities. It hit him then, where he’d heard that phrase before. Her mother. God kn
ows what else the woman had drilled into Tessa’s mind. He’d only heard a minuscule portion of that one conversation, but he didn’t need to be Einstein to know the woman was a control freak. “This isn’t you talking. It’s your mother. The other—that’s your mother’s career, the one she wants for you. Not the career you want.”

  She stared at him as if he was crazy. As if she’d never even considered that possibility. But how could she not know something so obvious? There had to be a way to open her eyes to the truth.

  “Don’t you see? You’re doing what she wants you to do and pretending it’s what you want.” And he couldn’t figure out why. What kind of number had the woman done on her?

  “I’m not pretending anything. I’ve trained for an opportunity like this, worked for it for years. How dare you tell me what I want, what I think?”

  “Somebody has to.” His voice rose in anger, so frustrated he wanted to curse, or to put his fist through a wall. “You’re too busy following your mother’s dictates to recognize what you really want. Or what would make you happiest.” Damn it, he shouldn’t have said it, shouldn’t have lost his temper, but he couldn’t stand her blind obedience to her mother’s commands. Why was it so important to her to please a woman who didn’t even love her?

  The color had drained from her face. “To claim to be in love with me, you sure don’t think much of me.”

  “Tessa.” He stretched out a hand, but let it fall when she shrank from him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “Only if you didn’t mean it. But you meant it, didn’t you, Will?”

  If he could kick his own butt, he would. Way to go, McClain. Insult her, that’ll help. “Can you honestly say you want the career your mother has mapped out for you—exactly as she hands it to you—without any doubts?”

  “Of course I have doubts. Everyone does. But that doesn’t mean I’m willing to throw away everything I’ve worked for.” He made an impatient gesture of denial, but she continued. “What if I asked you to give up your career for me? If I asked you to quit the Rangers and come with me? Would you do it?”

  “I’m not asking you to give up your career, damn it! I’m asking you to give us a chance to be together.”

  “On your terms.”

  He frowned, wondering how they’d gotten to this point. “The last thing I want to do is argue with you. Can’t we talk about this rationally?”

  “I don’t know. Apparently not.” She turned away and spoke softly. Not angry anymore, but resigned. “We want different things, Will. I want a career that will take me all over the world. You want a woman who’ll stay in one place and make a home for you.”

  Will shoved a hand through his hair, tempted to rip it out in frustration. She wanted the same thing he did, only she was too damned stubborn to see it. “Am I supposed to apologize for wanting to marry you? For wanting a wife and family someday?” For wanting a normal life, with a woman he loved. Wanting to have kids and friends, to go fishing early on a Sunday morning or have the luxury of knowing he could roll over in bed and make love to his wife. To be married to a flesh-and-blood woman, and not live only for his work.

  “Of course not.” She laid a hand on his arm. “But that’s your dream, Will. Not mine.” Her gaze was soft, compassionate.

  “Are you so sure of that?”

  “I’ve known what I—I’ve known my career path since I was twelve years old.”

  His point, exactly. She’d known her path ever since she’d been brainwashed into believing that’s what she wanted. But Tessa wasn’t interested in logic. Maybe emotion would help her see the truth. “You said you loved me.”

  “I do love you.”

  “Then why won’t you even consider the possibility that you’ve changed? That what you once wanted isn’t necessarily what you want now?”

  “Because I haven’t changed,” she insisted stubbornly. “I didn’t—falling in love wasn’t in my plans. I have to think of my career.”

  He couldn’t believe their entire relationship had fallen apart in the space of minutes. Infuriated, hurt, he grasped her arms and jerked her up against him. Her eyes widened and she stared at him. “Think about this,” he said, and crushed his mouth to hers.

  He meant to shock her out of her obstinate refusal to listen. He hadn’t counted on the feel of her causing him to go up in flames. And the knowledge that he could lose her turning the flame into a full-blown inferno.

  Whatever her words, her body responded to his. She flung her arms around his neck, tightening her hold the longer and harder he kissed her. Her fingers speared through his hair, her breasts rubbed against his chest, tormenting him.

  “Do you really want to give this up? The way we make each other feel?” He kissed her again, his hands sliding over her bottom to pull her closer, to push his aching erection between the softness of her thighs.

  “Don’t talk,” she said, breathless. “Just kiss me.”

  His fingers slid beneath the skimpy shorts she wore, to stroke, to tease. Desperate, he looked around for somewhere besides the splintery wooden dock to lay her down and finish what they’d started. An oak tree stood near the dock, the grass beneath it soft and inviting, the shadows it cast dark and concealing. He urged her over there, his hands fumbling with her shorts, unbuttoning, unzipping, greedy to feel her naked flesh.

  “Will. Oh, hurry.”

  Mouths fused together, they sank into the grass. Her hands were everywhere, then suddenly she was unzipping his shorts, closing her warm fingers around his erection.

  The thought hit him as she was poised above him. “No . . . condom,” he panted. Gazes locked, he held her above him. The thought of being inside her with nothing between them made him harder than he’d ever been in his life.

  She lowered herself onto him. “It’s . . . all right.” Her eyes closed, her head fell back, she lifted herself up and slid down slowly, sensuously. “Wrong time,” she gasped out.

  He sure as hell hoped so, because there was no possible way he could stop and she wasn’t stopping, either. She rode him, her muscles contracting, tightening and releasing, until he came in a fierce torrent. She gave a hoarse cry, sank down on him a final time, convulsing tightly around him for what seemed like forever.

  Sanity returned gradually. Tessa collapsed on top of him, her face buried against his neck. He felt moisture, felt the shudders running through her, and knew she was crying.

  “You’re still leaving, aren’t you?”

  “I have to, Will.”

  There was nothing left to say, nothing that hadn’t been said already. They dressed in silence and he walked her to her door.

  “Are you—” She cleared her throat and started over. “Are you staying?”

  He gazed at her for a long, intense moment. Though the tears were gone, traces of them showed on her cheeks, and in her eyes. “Do you want me to stay?” For tonight, he thought bleakly.

  “Yes.”

  “Then I will.” He laid a hand on her arm to stop her from going inside. “You could be pregnant.”

  Her eyes widened. “I’m not. I told you it was all right.”

  “But you could be.”

  “I . . . yes. It’s possible, but not likely.”

  “If you are, we’ll work it out.”

  “How?” she whispered.

  “I don’t know,” he admitted. “But we’ll think of something. Just promise me you’ll tell me.”

  “I wouldn’t keep something that important from you.”

  He nodded and followed her inside. It was a mistake to stay, he thought, but he didn’t care. He’d lie in a cold, lonely bed soon enough.

  Chapter Sixteen

  AT DAWN, Tessa woke to find Will already gone from her bed. She hadn’t slept much during the night, and she knew Will hadn’t, either. Neither did they t
alk. Instead, they made love, hungrily, desperately, and marked with a sorrow that had never before been present between them. But what could she do to change it?

  She couldn’t abandon a career she’d spent years working toward. No more than Will could be expected to toss his career in law enforcement into the garbage. When she’d made that comment, she hadn’t been serious, but had only wanted to show him what he was asking of her. Due to her mother’s efforts, she had an opportunity to take part in something most archaeologists would kill to be able to do. How could she ignore that?

  Deep inside she wanted to go with her heart, but her heart had betrayed her before. You couldn’t trust your heart, Tessa had found, because it saw what it wanted to see, not harsh reality.

  A sound from the doorway drew her attention. Will walked in, bringing her a cup of coffee. She accepted it gratefully with a murmured thanks, and sipped it as he sat beside her.

  “We need to talk,” he said.

  He looked solemn and heart-stoppingly handsome. He must have been up for a while, for he’d showered and shaved, his blond hair still damp, combed back from his face, with an unruly lock falling over his forehead. He wore his customary work clothes, a pale blue button-down dress shirt, nicely pressed, faded jeans and boots. Sighing, she remembered he’d been wearing something similar the first time she saw him, and she’d been overwhelmed by his sheer presence. Sometimes she still was.

  And she was leaving him. It wasn’t fair that she had to make this decision. Why couldn’t she have met him earlier, or later? Any time but now. “There’s nothing to talk about,” she said, squeezing the words out through a tight throat. “Talking won’t change anything.”

  “I know. That’s why . . .” His voice trailed off. He leaned forward, propping his forearms on his thighs, and stared straight ahead.

  After a long moment, he turned to her and she read the pain and confusion in his eyes. She’d never seen Will so uncertain of himself, hadn’t thought he could be so unsure. Shaken, she set her coffee mug on the nightstand and waited for him to speak.